I planned on having one husband and seven children, but it turned out the other way around.
A sense of humour is a sense of proportion.
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
If you owe your bank a hundred pounds, you have a problem. But if you owe a million, it has.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
Gags die, humor doesn’t.
Cynicism is humor in ill health.
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.